This whole round the world trip had been about San Francisco. I decided a year or so ago that is where I wanted to live. I’d even spoken to a couple of immigration lawyers on my last trip about what it would take to for me to move here. However, it was unanimously decided then that as I have no skill to speak of (I did beg to differ, but apparently knitting and getting people into gigs are not 'required skills' in line with green card policy) and as there was little chance of a music promoter finding a sponsorship opportunity here (boo to proper jobs!) the only way I could get in was to come to the country and go AWOL until I found some sucker to marry me. Not my best ever plan I’ll admit but it was a tried and tested option it seemed, so that was the brief. This whole journey was instigated because I knew there were too many places I needed to see before I became imprisoned in a country by my own making.

That was then.

After experiencing paradise in Koh Tao however and Utopia in Sydney I now wasn’t so sure that San Francisco was my Nirvana. An important factor in my being here also wasn’t in play - Rachel was still loved up in Thailand with Jesper and was not planning on coming back any time soon as far as I knew. So I was very surprised indeed when I had this intense feeling of being more ‘home’ than I have ever been when I saw the Transamerica Pyramid and the Sutro tower rise up on the San Francisco sky line. It was quite a revelation. This place definitely gets under my skin.

My Californian experience started with a bang. A very loud one. I was met at SFO by Katie my Koh Tao roomie and brought back to her pad in the Upper Haight area, a block from the famous picture postcard setting of Alamo Square. Unfortunately Katie had to go to work so I went to sleep in order to make sense of the day I had gained since crossing the International Date Line. Three hours into my slumber I was woken by the banging and crashing of drums and almost jumped out of my skin let alone bed. Unaware to me, Katie lived with a cool bunch of hipsters who are in a band and I’d arrived on the day of band practice. Great! The rehearsal room was directly under her bed and although they really are a great band, given the option, not my choice of alarm clock.

Old meets new. The Victorian houses of Alamo Square meet the San Francisco city sky line. My on/off neighborhood for the next 3 months.

After three days of Katie and her friend’s fabulous hospitality I set off on the first of many ‘interesting’ Greyhound bus journeys to meet Jen, my Australian outback buddy, in LA (more about those bus trips later!). A cross city bus ride from downtown LA to Santa Monica Beach and Jen and I were reunited. We had an itinerary set to take us up the west coast of North America to Canada in four weeks and it all started here. We had three days to explore LA and for me to fit in that Huntingdon beach surf experience in honour of Paddy and Clare.

The weather though was pretty crappy and the first day was spent investigating Santa Monica and letting Jen get over her jet lag. The second day the thick fog that had enveloped the beach had now come in so far that you couldn’t actually see the sea, so surfing was off for the time being. Instead we headed in land to what we had really come to LA for – Hollywood! First stop Universal Studios, somewhere I’d always wanted to visit since I was a kid when a fellow junior school pupil had told me about the Jaws ride. I’ve never forgotten how much I’d envied their experience as that film at the time was the epitome of cool to me. Now I was finally going to see it, and it didn’t matter how dated and unrealistic the ride had now become. I was very excited.

Jen and I at Universal Studios, Hollywood.

Jaws! Hurrah for childhood dreams!

Another childhood dream fulfilled!
The hover board from Back to the Future II

And the DeLorean! I’m in nostalgia heaven!

We managed to be entertained at the studios from the 10am opening till 6pm close. It was a great day. Next stop the Hollywood hills to see the infamous sign that we’d come from opposite sides of the earth to see, and where best to see it than the new plaza next to the Kodak Theatre where the Oscars are held annually….

Here it is….

Hold on, let me get my zoom on. Can you see it now?

Surely not? Open your eyes! The white on the hills!!!!

What about now….

There you go!

Damn bloody fog. Come all this bloody way to see such an important piece of cinematic history and you can’t. To be honest, Hollywood in general was a huge let down. I expected glitz and glamour like ever other tourist I suppose and all I found was a fogged out sign, a few hand prints in cement and a dirty street like any in London complete with drug dealers, hookers and with a few stars embossed on the pavement. We didn’t even realize we where even on the ‘famous’ Hollywood Boulevard until we dropped something and realized we were standing on Elton John.

However having said that it did kill an hour or two and it was cool seeing all the names of the famous people who I greatly admire.

Me and the hand and foot prints of my hero Steve McQueen outside the Mann’s Chinese theatre.

In between Elvis and The Beatles on Hollywood Boulevard.

Then it was off on the hunt for some nightlife. A bus ride down Sunset and a couple of choruses of Donna Summer later we were outside The Whisky A Go Go. I had really wanted to have a beer or two in the venue where the Doors had been a regular feature, but it was rammed and some dodgy metal band where playing so we continued on our way. We checked out the Johnny Depp owned Viper Room outside which River Phoenix famously bit the dust, but we weren’t dressed for it so instead opted for the Rainbow. The moment we walked through the door not only did I recognize it as a setting in the epic Guns n Roses video ‘November Rain’, but to top that none other than Rock God Motorhead bass player/vocalist Lemmy was sitting at the bar. I was in rock heaven and almost peed my pants with excitement! I headed for the bar and drunk as many margaritas as I could till I summoned up the courage to have this picture taken….

The Ace of Spades himself. Lemmy.

The only problem was that I was now so drunk that I don’t remember much past that and wasted my last day in LA bed ridden and throwing up. It was the worst case of alcohol poisoning I can remember since Boxing Day ’93 which involved 1 boyfriend, 2 friends and 3 bottles of tequila. Bleughhhh. Jen spent the day alone walking Venice beach being accosted by weirdoes, poor thing. However she did report back that the fog was still horrendous and even if I was able to stand up without being sick I wouldn’t have been able to have that surf. Sorry Paddy!

After twenty four hours in bed I finally made it out for my next Greyhound experience and Jen’s first. This was a corker. Snoring you wouldn’t believe from all corners and an overheated bus that broke down for two hours in unbearable heat. It was pandemonium.

So where was our next stop I hear you ask? New York?....

Surely you can’t get a Greyhound to Paris...

What the hell?... Egypt???

Of course not, we were in Disneyland for grown ups - LAS VEGAS Nevada, complete with its Epcot Center-esque world of mini city replicas! They say you either love this place or hate it and I L-O-V-E-D it! It was tacky beyond the extreme, but there was an undeniable air of anticipation that any minute YOU could be today’s big roller and I loved that excitement and all the neon and glitz that went with it. I understood how dangerous this place could be for someone like me.

LAS VEGAS BABY! We were so money!

Jen at the Luxor (the Egyptian Pyramid Casino)

I lost track as to how many days we spent in Las Vegas but each day was packed to the brim as there was so much to see and do. On top of just exploring the grandeur of each casino there was heaps of free entertainment which included over the top and overtly sexual pirates singing and dancing outside Treasure Island (complete with pirate ship and pyrotechnics), singing and acting Roman robotic statues at Caesar’s palace, hourly circus acts at Circus Circus and my favorite, the hypnotic dancing fountains outside the Bellagio (as seen at the end of Oceans 11) which I could never tire of watching.

As for the gambling, Jen was a very good girl and kept her money safe, but me, well I’m a bit of a fan of Texas Hold ‘em and couldn’t leave this city without a flutter at one of the tables. I’d like to say I won big but I didn’t, I lost small and to be fair to myself I actually didn’t do that bad. The 40 dollars I said I was prepared to loose I managed to make stretch a few hours on a small stakes table. I was up, then I was down, then I was up again, then I was out. When you take into factor the free drinks you get when you sit at a table I reckon I actually broke even as Jen was getting free drinks too just for sitting next to me. The penthouse suite at the Bellagio I promised Jen was unfortunately now not an option, so it was back to hostel hell.

Me at Excalibur, my choice of casino to loose all me money at.

So from Nevada, the next logical step was to get our kicks on Route 66 with a 5 hour trip to Arizona for another unmissable American experience, the Grand Canyon. My mum once missed the opportunity of a helicopter ride over this breath taking sculpture of nature when I was very young and has recounted the story endless times since. It felt weird me being there all those years later and not her. It was a fantastic experience but I must say I felt guilty standing there without her.

The Grand Canyon.

After another incredibly hideous overnight Greyhound bus journey up the 101, it was ‘California here we come, right back where we started from’. This time the journey was filled with screaming children and self proclaiming Gangstas (i.e. they were all mouth no trousers). If you want to see the REAL America, Greyhound buses are the way to go. It really brings out the dirge of society in a way that no other method of transport in the world can. It also fills you with a sense of realization (if you were ever in doubt) that you are one together person with a hell of a lot of intellect to boot.

We met some very interesting characters during our many journeys up the west coast because our accents created intrigue amongst our fellow passengers. As a result we were asked some very interesting questions, such as ‘shit…. Australia … that’s an island right? Man I couldn’t live on one of those islands you get Tsunami’s ‘n shit’ (‘Gangsta’ 1 from Las Vegas trip illustrating his geographical knowledge). Later on in our trip up coast we were also asked if ‘That’s how they dressed where we were from?’ - Note - We were wearing T shirts, jeans and trainers (?!) The same girl asked with all sincerity if I knew the Spice Girls seeing as I was from London and on a separate occasion Jen was asked with the same sincerity if she knew Crocodile Dundee!!!!!!

Cable car and the Golden Gate Bridge, San Francsico.

Finally with little sleep I arrived back home in San Francisco at 7.30 am with Jen. We got ourselves across the city and collapsed in bed, thankfully without the threat of band practice this time.

We had three fun filled tourist attraction visiting days that included:

A visit to see the sea lions at Pier 39, Fisherman’s wharf....

...crossing the bay by ferry for a tour of Alcatraz...

… and a few margaritas with the girls after a shopping trip through, north beach, China Town and Union Square.

Katie, Devon, Jen and me.

For the first time in my many visits to San Francisco I got to see the spectacle that is Bay to Breakers. A race that does as it suggests - goes from the bay to Breakers. However unlike our rather sedate London Marathon or Great North run, this is just one big excuse for a piss up. Minimal people actually race but it seems the whole city comes out in various attire (most often than not none at all) to get drunk and walk it. It was crazy. Naked people everywhere at 10.30 am. Welcome to San Francisco!

Bay to Breakers. You have to see it to believe it!

After the parade it was party time at Katie’s where Carlos and Nicole were having a work related barbeque. It was a really fun day but unfortunately Jen got food poisoning and spent the next day in bed throwing up, bless her.

Next stop Napa County to visit Rachel’s Family and show Jen wine country. After another (thankfully very short) greyhound journey we arrived in St Helena and were met by Sue, Rachel’s mum and taken to their home in Calistoga. Calistoga is known for its hot springs and spas and was named by the town founder Sam Brannan who had originally intended to name the town Saratoga after the Saratoga Springs of New York. However on the day he officially named the city the millionaire was so pissed he named it the ‘Calistoga of Sarafornia’ rather than the Saratoga of California and the name stuck. A great story for a town in a county known for its booze.

I love being here. It’s my home from home. It’s so comfortable, like a mini farm, with four cats, three dogs, two birds and a horse. Jen and I took a couple of days to relax here and catch up with sue and enjoy the Napa heat. We only left the grounds once to go for the obligatory wine tasting and to see how ‘the villa’ was coming along.

The Villa, or as it is now known Castello Amerosa…..

This Italian castle copy has been constructed from imported Italian brick and is already the most eagerly anticipated Winery in Napa. Owned by Daryl Sattui of the V. Sattui winery and partly constructed by Rachel’s family’s business, it has been in development for 10 years and is due to open next year. It will be to Napa what the Luxor, Paris and the Venetian are to Las Vegas. If this is the start of something, I can’t imagine what Napa will look in 10 years from now.

Before we left Jen managed to fit in a ride On Rachel’s dad Marshall’s Harley. She was a very excited girl.

Jen, Marshall, and Sue hiding in the distance.

See that Trailer behind the white car? That was to be my home when I returned from Canada for the next 2 months. I can now officially be called trailer trash - but I’d rather I didn’t so don’t try it. Besides, it’s a very very very nice trailer. It has air con, cable TV and everything so I was definitely not complaining!

Next, Sue kindly drove us to Sacramento to put us on a bus to Portland. This was another long haul and probably the worst of all the journeys so far. First of all we didn’t actually make it on our bus despite being two hours early for it and prepaying for our tickets a week before hand. This had something to do with Greyhound’s first come first served policy for seats. Silly us, we had got there early and gone for some food only to come back 15 minutes beforehand to queue up with everyone else who had arrived later than us. We had to wait three hours in the bus terminal with some of the sorriest excuses of an ‘educated’ society I had very seen, one of them being the woman who asked if I knew the Spice Girls.

16 hours of hell later we arrived in Portland Oregon to visit an old friend from San Diego, my supposed future American husband Phil. My camera decided to go on the blink during this part of my trip so I have very little photos around this period which is a shame as I can’t show you how wonderful this man is. Maybe I’ll post pictures of the wedding when it finally happens. We had a great time in Portland and I think next to San Francisco this could be by next favorite US city. We shopped in the hugest book store I’ve ever seen (it took up a whole block), and went on some cool walks including a visit to it’s award wining rose garden and a huge hike through America’s largest forested city park. Thirty + miles of trail I think there is but we only managed around eight.

Multnomah Falls, Portland.

After a weekend with Phil, but still no concrete wedding plans (darn!), we braved our final Greyhound experience to move on to Seattle to visit some of Jen’s friends. Just as expected it started to rain when we arrived and didn’t stop until I left. I liked Seattle very much but only ended up staying a couple of days as my friends in Canada wanted me to come earlier than expected. It was here that my journey with Jen was to end and I left her with the promise to hook up in London when she got there in November if she couldn’t get to Canada before I left.

Me, Jen and her chums by the Space needle, Seattle Washington.

Me at the famous Fish Market in rainy Seattle.

I was now on own again, but this time thankfully I was on a marginally more expensive tourist bus bound for the Vancouver, Canada. It was a very exciting time as I was about to meet up with a dear friend who I hadn’t seen in almost eight years!

I had met Amber and her friend Mike when my friend Su and I traveled through Vietnam in 1998. We all spent around four weeks together and forged a friendship that has survived the test of distance and time even though I haven’t seen her or him since. When she met me of the bus with her boyfriend Geoff, it was like no time had passed. It was fabulous.

In Sam Wayne backpacking style I was put up for the night in the five star Fairmont hotel. Geoff and Amber were staying there as they were in the middle of a move from Victoria, Vancouver Island and Geoff worked for the hotel. It was heaven. Hot tubs and roof top open air swims, life couldn’t get much better.

Me and Amber with Darth Vader bear in Vancouver. There were hundreds of these bears all over the city for some reason. All designed differently. Darth Vader was my fav.

After a great weekend that ended with the best Greek food I’ve ever eaten for Sunday lunch, Amber and I were on the car ferry over to Victoria on Vancouver Island where she still worked and the house they were moving out of was. We did some serious talking on that ferry and caught up those missing eight years in record time. On our arrival we headed straight out for a drink and a catch up with Mike, Amber’s traveling partner and my much missed chum from Vietnam. It was time to catch up all over again. It was no problem though, it was so great to see them both.

As well as old friends I also had new friends to visit on this Canadian island, Chris and his Korean wife whom I’d met in Dharmasala India, my massage course buddy from the very beginning of my trip. Da Eun was now very pregnant since the last time we had seen each other almost a year ago, so we had some great times together chilling out, eating clam chowder, strolling through parks and some lovely ocean walks.

I had a very relaxing time in Canada and didn’t push myself to do too much. Besides the world cup had now started so my whole life evolved around getting up at 6am and watching football until 2pm. I didn’t miss a match and it was a very tiring experience at times. One of my favourite matches while I was here was Korea’s first match against Togo which I watched with Da Eun. Koreans live for there football. Think back to the tournament before last, and Da Eun was no exception. So excitable she was at times that it made it more a pleasure to watch her than the match, if not a bit scary that the excitement may induce an early labour!

Chris and a very pregnant Da Eun.

Besides the world cup most of time was taken up on Mike’s Boston Whaler, his newly bought nifty little speedboat. Amber and I were very honoured to be the second passengers on this new vessel after his family. We had a couple of fantastic outings, one to the Sydney Strip for crab fishing and a picnic, the second for lunch on one of the many islands in the waters between Vancouver Island and the US main land.

Mike and Amber on board his Boston Whaler.

Me and one of the crabs we caught. I couldn’t bear to kill it though so I let it go.

Other outings included checking out the totem poles and aboriginal culture at the natural history museum (which unfortunately wasn’t a patch on New Zealand’s Te Pa Pa).

An almost private evening viewing of the beautiful Buchard Gardens with Amber’s mum…

Not only did Amber arrange this as a freebie for us all, but we were the only people in this hugely popular tourist hot spot because it was pissing down with rain! It was fantastic!

MORE WHALE WATCHING!!! This time it was Orcas (killer Whales).

On this fantastic trip we also saw something I’ve always wanted to see in the wild – otters, but unfortunately they were too quick for a photo opportunity.

We also saw Harbour porpoises, harbour seals, and these….

Bald Eagles.

On my last evening I also got the chance to hand feed this gorgeous wild harbour seals.



It was now the middle of June and my time was coming to an end here which was very sad. However, an interesting development had taken place that made it much easier to tear myself away; Rachel had fallen out of love with Thailand and was heading home before taking a new position in Korea. She was arriving back in San Francisco the same time I planned to fly back so we coordinated our flights to arrive at the same time on the 14th June at SFO. With a sad farewell to my Canadian friends but with a promise to not leave it another eight years I headed back home to San Francisco once again.

Rachel’s and my time together in Calistoga was very relaxing and very uneventful to be honest. Just what I needed before heading back to reality. A lot of our time was spent watching the end of the world cup, getting the house ready for Sue’s impending hip replacement operation which was happening on the 18th of July and sunbathing in the Napa heat in the family pool. My lilo has become one of my new best friends. It’s a hard life I know!

Brady, Rachel’s nephew in the pool I spent most of July in.

The evenings were spent watching films, knitting and playing with the newest member of the family, Hannah the kitten.

Being in Calistoga in July meant I got to witness my first 4th of July Parade. A very ironic affair for an English girl like me. I got to witness the small town-ness of Calistoga in all its glory, complete with barbeque, home made apple pie and fireworks.

Calistoga’s forth of July parade.

The Fairbanks family out in force. Rachel, Jordan, Brady, Devon and Sue (Rachel’s cousins and mum)

Before I kill you all with boredom, it wasn’t all as mind numbing as it sounds. Rach and I killed the monotony with the odd trip to the city to see her old roomie Jay and to party with Tina who came to visit from San Diego.

Rachel, Jay, Tina and me.

On this particular night self confessed bacon obsessive Tina purchased some bacon print packing tape and for some random reason it was decided that we had to wear bacon that evening.

It was all very innocent fun,a stupid idea you may even think, but little do you know. Bacon wearing got us into a club night for free. it appears everyone loves bacon! The rest of the evening turned into a bacon frenzy with random strangers requesting the bacon until the whole place was wearing originally placed bacon on some body part.

In fact it started a getting a bit too out of hand!!!!


Even the dog wanted in!


Then of course there was Katie’s birthday party and my birthday too.

Me and the girls at a street party on my birthday.

Katie and the lovely Dave. Another perspective husband for that green card, unfortunately both his parents are already English so the offer of a dual passport didn’t work as he already has one. Boo!

After my birthday I stayed in the city for the week as this would be my last chance before Sue had her operation and she would need Rachel and me around the house. I took the opportunity to help out Devon and her designer jewelry business and to make a bit of cash. Devon makes some really beautiful pieces and we talked about me possibly doing a bit of rep work for her designs in London, so if anyone has any ideas of any boutiques that I could approach please let me know.

Watching the sunset over San Francisco and Muir woods with Devon and Rob.

That week Muse, the band who were currently holding the no.1 position in the UK album charts and who I used to work with came to town. San Francisco was the first stop of their Black Holes and Revelations tour. They very kindly put me and my friends on the guest list and it was awesome to see them (see, getting people into gigs is a skill!) The gig rocked just as expected and it almost made me home sick but not quite.

Crap picture I know, but that is Muse, promise.

Saying hello to the boys backstage. Me and Chris, one third of Muse.

and of course the lovely Tom.

The Sunday before I headed back to Napa it was Katie’s friend Carlos’ birthday so we all rented a boat and went wake boarding on Lake Berryesa. I was in serious need of some water action as I hadn’t been diving since Australia and as funds were now too low for a final dive this was just the tonic I needed.

Captain Carlos.

Dave and his bitches. Me, Katie and Rocky.

Katie and I on the Tube. A much better alternative to the London sort I think.

And so it was back to Napa for my final few days to help out Sue and her new hip and to spend as much time as possible with my new best friends Lilo and pool. As before my last few days while I got ready for my trip home where pretty uneventful just as I liked, but I did get to experience a ‘moderate’ earthquake! The whole house shook, it was really cool! It only measured 4.5 on the Richter scale but it was really exciting and made the ‘Good Morning America’ news.

After a final night of ‘bar hopping’ with Rachel (Calistoga only has three bars so it wasn’t exactly a crazy night!) and a teary farewell to her mum Sue in the morning I was off to the city to catch my flight home. The traffic was thankfully horrendous. I say thankfully because it made me so late for my flight that I didn’t have time for a teary farewell with Rachel. It also meant I was sat in my seat before I had time to fully register the finality of this flight home and what was to come next.

As predicted in my last email this last chapter comes to you from the air. I can’t sleep and can you blame me? Fifteen months and nine countries later I am finally coming home with a head full of mind blowing experiences that I still can’t believe I actually I did (I’VE DIVED WITH WHALE SHARKS FOR GOD’S SAKE!) and I’m already desperately missing new friends that have become as close as old ones.

By the time you read this I will already be home, so for the sake of my sanity and the price of a cup of tea with your company I’m all set to bore you senseless with tales of underwater exploration, hiking expeditions gone wrong, rainy days in paradise and lost loves.

Give me a call sometime.

A couple of hours later I was touching down in New Zealand. Jen a great friend from my drama school days in Cardiff was waiting for me as promised with a 4x4 jammed with fashion ranges and just enough room to squeeze my backpack in. It was 8pm and she was on a sales trip, which now meant I was on a sales trip, so I literally hit the ground running.

Mission : see the whole of New Zealand in 4 and a half weeks while making Jen lots of money.

Nice.

The next four weeks were to sweep past in a blur of driving, more driving, hanging out in nice motels, helping set up the range on rail (or dropping it more likely in my case) listening to badly scratched CD’s whilst doing even more driving and singing the Grease soundtrack or Maroon 5 at the top of our voices.

New Zealand. My view of it and how I was to see most of it saw over the next four weeks.

The journey went something like this:

Aiport to Wahihi on my first night where we did a lot of catching up, I laughed at all the weird Maori town names (Papatoetoe!?!) and Jen smoked a lot of cigarettes.

Day 2, Dive to Tauranga/Mt Maunganui for the weekend to visit some shops (clients) and for her grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary dinner which it was an honour to be invited to.

Jens' grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary dinner.

Me and Jen

It also occurred to me the day of arriving in Tauranga that another good friend Showbiz Clare lived somewhere in New Zealand and I should find out where exactly it was she lived. By pure coincidence it turned out she lived right here in Mt Maunganui! So I took the opportunity to squeeze in some time that weekend with her and her boyfriend Paddy who took me for a surfing lesson which was great fun. I wouldn’t say I was a natural, but I didn’t do too badly for my first lesson. Standing up on the board was no problem; it was just staying on it for longer than 5 seconds.

Claire and Paddy

View from the top of Mt Maunganui and the bay I learnt to surf in.

My favourite Fern trees, found all over the North Island.

The closest I came to a picture of me actually surfing.

After not enough time with them, but on a promise to come back before I left, Jen and I continued our road trip with a beautiful coastal drive through Whakatane and Gisborne - the first city to see the sun in the world, and spent the night in Napier a beautiful town known for its art deco housing and antique shops. Here I learnt the art of the hotel spa bath, ate yummy Tapas and went for a morning run along the beach where I caught the end of the sun rise in the second town in the world to see it.

Me and My spa. A reoccurring and much loved theme for me in New Zealand.
God this backpacking thing can be hard work!

The next day we set off cross country to Rotorua, via Lake Taupo where I left Jen to work and hiked around most of it. Rotorua is home to the main traditional Maori cultural centre which I visited, and houses the famous hot springs mud pools and geysers.

Lake Taupo.

Me at and the geysers at Rotorua.

Then it was another costal drive to Te Kuiti, Taranaki, and onto Palmerston North, where John Cleese once claimed that "If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick." A bit harsh on the place I thought, especially as we stayed in a pretty cool hotel there, one of my favorites in fact. It was called Camelot and we had our own unit all to ourselves. Actually it was more like a house with a hotel room, it had an upstairs area, separate bedrooms, and a spa bath of course! This was definitely the type of backpacking I like!

Next stop was Wellington where I spent most of my time in Te Papa Museum learning about New Zealand and Maori history. I also pre-booked my ticket for the ‘Record Breaking’ Lord of The Rings exhibition that was reopening after an international tour the next day. It was a fantastic exhibition, one of the best I’ve ever seen. That night we went for dinner with one of Jen’s best friends Jake who works for Peter Jackons Weta Workshop and who was one of the main creators of the CGI Gollum on the Lord of the Rings films. I’d been told that everyone in New Zeland worked, did something for or was in LOTR, and if they didn’t they knew someone who did. It was only a matter of time before I met someone myself.

Jen and Gollum creator Jake

It was now Easter Friday and our tour of the north Island was over. In order to get to Queenstown where Jen lived by in time for the holiday weekend we had a massive journey ahead of us. We caught the ferry to Picton in the south island and drove to Nelson where we spent the evening with friends of Jen. Here I had one of my most memorable nights in NZ. I discovered the delights of Feijoas and more importantly Feijoa flavored vodka, had another spontaneous party courtesy of my ipod, won a chair dancing competition, was caught of guard by some spontaneous breakdancing. We ended the party in the outside hot tub, much to the delight of the neighbors as it had become a very messy evening. One I won’t forget in too much of a hurry.

With a very sore head and little sleep the twelve hour journey ahead of us to Queenstown the following morning was a living hell. We stopped along the way to see if the yellow eyed penguins were around, but unfortunately it wasn’t the right season. We also stopped at the pancake rocks, but it was low tide so the blow holes weren’t raging. By the time we got to Franz Joseph it was too late and too dark to see the glaciers and we didn’t have enough time to stop and see the fire flies. :( Not such a productive day on the tourism front. Still, we made it to Queenstown before it got to horrendously late and Jen was home for the first time in three weeks. Mission accomplished.

Pancake rocks

We hung out in Queenstown for the holiday weekend at Jen’s place which had an amazing view of the lake. Queenstown is known as the adventure capital of the world, home of the bungee jump and every other kind of adrenalin-rush based activity you can think of. Gareth (Jens’ boyfriend) worked as a river boarding guide and had offered to give me a free trip. Call me a wuss, but I thankfully declined. It was COLD here. Very very cold. There was a noticeable difference in temperature here in the south island from the north and a huge one since being in Australia 10 days before. It was a very surreal feeling to see leaves falling OFF trees in the middle of April and to have autumn colours everywhere when you look.

Jen and the view from her aparment.

Autumn in April?

I spent most of the weekend sleeping, chilling and being shown various locations at Deer Park Heights where scenes from The Two Towers (the second Lord of The Rings film) was shot.

The river Gareth does his river boarding trips on which is also the river featured at the end of the LOTR first film. (The one the fellowship boat down with the statues of the kings on either side, you know the one I mean!)

Aragorns Rock (where he gets dragged over the cliff in the second film)

Deer Park Heights was one of my favorite places in Queenstown. Not only were some cool scenes from the movie shot here - like the cool scene where legolas jumps back on his horse before the battle on the way to Helm’s deep (sad that I know this stuff sorry) but we got to hang with and hand feed these cool piggies….

…the fattest goats I’ve ever seen in my life....

Gareth and the fatties.

.. deer….

and these bizarre looking creatures…

So after a relaxing Easter break it was off again. Next stop the most southerly part of the south Island and the closest to Antarctica I’ve ever been, Ivercargill. Then we moved on to Dunedin where we had a quick pit stop at the steepest street in the world - San Francisco meets the southern hemisphere. Then it was off to Oamaru to see something I was to dying to see. PENGUINS, in their natural habitat! Unfortunately no one is allowed to take pictures but it was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. We had to sit in this enclosure in the dark silently waiting for them to surf home for the evening. When the first ‘raft’ came in I was so choked. It was awesome. About 60 little blue penguins came in whilst the sunset and waddled up the beach to their home community. It was a very special moment. Now my New Zealand experience was definitely underway.

VERY VERY VERY SLOW!

After that we had another long evening drive up the coast to Christchurch Jen’s old home where we were to stay with some of her close friends while Jen did some more work. It was now the weekend again and time to chill out for a while. Christchurch is a funky little city, we ate in some cool restaurants, and went to some bizarre clubs where I witnessed some interesting dancing techniques, and saw gaggles of scantily clad screeching girls that brought back memories of Cardiff. Now I understood why Jen lived here. It was very much like our old home.

Next it was all the way back up to the north of the south island through Arthur’s Pass for more business in Nelson, then on to Blenheim and finally Kaikoura for my much anticipated whale watching expedition. We saw 6 sperm whales on our trip which is apparently good going. We also had time to stop and look for dusky dolphins and found a pod of 500 who rode the surf from our bow with us for around 20 minutes. This was the first time I’d seen so many dolphins in one place and it really took my breath away. I have some film footage I took with my camera that I can’t upload to this site but I’ll be more than happy to show anyone that’s interested.

Two of the six sperm whales we saw on our trip. Sperm whales have the largest brain of any animal, grow to about 20 meters long have been known to dive as deeply as 3,200 m. They can hold their breath up to an hour at each dive.

This photo is from my whale watching trip, but unfortunatley I didn't take it. Thanks to my fellow Czech passengers for this great shot.

Dusky Dolphin.

Then just when I thought the day couldn’t get any better, after stopping to take pictures of some sea lions on the way to our next destination I almost fell over this little fella…

A baby yellow eyed penguin, inches away from me and was posing his little heart out. I took so many photos of him but he didn’t budge. It was unbelievable. Honestly I couldn’t have had a better day for wildlife if I’d tried.

Then it was back to Christchurch, for more yummy food, good company and also a trip to Akaroa to swim with wild dolphins, another dream I’ve always had and couldn’t believe I was going to fulfill.

Sunset at Akaroa.

The dolphins we swam with were Hector’s dolphins, one of the smallest endangered dolphins in the world (1.2 m). It was another amazing New Zealand experience. Unfortunately the visibility was awful so you couldn’t see the dolphins under water well at all. This breed are also much shyer compared to the dusky dolphins we encountered during the whale watch expedition so they were quite difficult to interact with. However they seemed intrigued by me as I played with them by making a clicking sound with my rings underwater so they spent a lot of time circling me drawn to the sound. For anyone lucky enough to find themselves in Akaroa, I don’t recommend the company I went with. For such an amazing experience they wouldn’t take any pictures for me to remember the experience by. Other companies such as Black Cat do but were unfortunately fully booked that day.

Here is what the dolphins looked like though, and hopefully my memory is enough for me to take away with me.

It was now time to head back to Queenstown, for another break for Jen and for her to set up more showings at stores in the north island. It was now getting close to the beginning of the snowboard season and Gareth had called to say that the first snows had begun. Jen was ecstatic, but for those of you who know me well, I hate snow. I hate the cold, and am generally a moany bastard about it, but it didn’t stop Jen doing her best to convert me into a snowboarding enthusiast. Bless her. She failed miserably,. Wearing all of Gareth’s snowboarding gear (he’s 6’4’’) and looking and feeling like a big black Mitchilin Man I was driven to the top of the aptly named Remarkables in search of snow and learning slopes. When we arrived there were several cute, foxy accomplished snowboarders playing around on rails in the area where Jen wanted me to learn, so being a crap girl I of course chickened out. I stayed just far enough away to flirt with the boys and let Jen do all the falling over. Maybe next time.

Cute boys doing tricks.

One thing I did love though was Off Roading! Arrowtown, a neighboring village to Queenstown, is a great place to take Gareth and Jen’s 4x4 off road literally, plunging through the streams and rocky terrain. I had a great time and got to see the spot where Arwen with sick Frodo calls the river to swallow up the Ringwraiths in the first movie LOTR movie (apologies again for being so sad, I can’t help myself). It was really cool!

Off Roading in Arrow Town!

My time in New Zealand was now coming to an end and as I still wanted to squeeze in more time with Clare and Paddy I had to leave Jen and fly back up north, which wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Fog had enveloped the town and planes weren’t taking off or landing so I ended up being stuck for a couple of days. Apparently this is a common occurrence, which is weird as you would think that a town which relies on it’s tourism during snow season,would have managed to come up with alternate arrangements for such a common problem but no.

Finally after a very sad farewell I caught my plane and was back in Mt Maunganui for my last few days to chill with my good friends CJ and Paddy, which turned out to have a bit more drama than expected. At 4.30am one morning Clare woke Paddy and I up and packed us off into the car in our pajamas to get away from the coast and head up to higher ground. She had been woken minutes before hand by her parents in England because the BBC had broadcast a Tsunami threat in our area in reaction to the earthquake in Indonesia. It was all very exciting but luckily it turned out to be an over reaction. We appeared to be the only people driving around in our jammies at that hour of the morning, apart from another English friend who had had the same news from home. Typical British media, over reacting as usual! Boo to the BBC, but hurray for Clare and her quick as fox instincts. If the situation had been as feared we would all be very thankful to her now.

Ironically enough the sea the next day was as flat as a pancake which was exceptionally annoying as this was to be my last chance at a surfing lesson. So apart from practicing to sit on the board and some arm wearying paddling practice, I didn’t get much done. It was now time to leave the southern hemisphere bound for my last stop California, where I promised to surf at Huntingdon beach in honour of Paddy.

Goodbye autumn, hello summer!

odd eh?

Australia is the country I’ve most wanted to visit in my life. Being there meant I’d made it to the other side of the world, an admirable conquest that few people I know can say they’ve done. I was about to witness wildlife and landscapes I’d only read about or seen on TV and gaze at star constellations that can’t be seen in the only hemisphere I’d set foot in. It was an exciting time.

It was also the first time on my travels when I would be arriving in a city with someone to meet me. Simon, an amazing guy I’d met in Koh Tao, had said I could stay at his place and through various emails we coordinated the airport meet. Having the pressure taken off me to negotiate myself across another unfamiliar city for the first time in nine months was a huge relief. I was used to it by now but it’s never nice when you are jet lagged.

Half way across the Indian Ocean however, I had a sudden realisation that due to time differences I was actually arriving on the 2nd March not the 1st which is what I’d told Simon. Durrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! I sat in hope that he was clever enough to work out my mistake but of course it didn’t even occur to him. I had stated the 1st and so the 1st it was and the poor guy wasted half a day off work waiting hours for me at the airport. I felt so guilty! Luckily being the diamond that he is he, he worked out the mix up before I arrived and was there again on the 2nd. My hero.

Despite the hick-up my stay in Aus kicked off to a good start. On my first weekend Simon took to me to see his rugby team the Warratahs play and I loved it despite previously being a football snob.

The Rugby Gang. Simon, Oren, Kim and Lauren

The same evening I got dressed up in the first pair of (borrowed) high heels that I’d worn in nine months and headed to Kings Cross to watch the Syndey Mardi Gras gay parade. It was a crazy spectacle. The evening was ended by a visit to ‘Dancers’, a pole dancing club. It was a very bizarre welcome to a buzzy new city.

Girls on the town. I'd forgotten how painful heels were!

Mardi Gras!

As well as coming to see Simon my other main reason for being in Sydney was to see my friend Ben who I'd met in New York on the Millennium Eve under passionate circumstances. We ended up meeting twice in New York before I left for home and it turned out that not only was he Australian not American but he lived 5 minutes down the road from me in Crouch End, London! When he returned to the UK we hung out for a while until his visa ran out which was not long after his return :( Although I hadn’t seen him since he went back to Aus we’ve stayed in touch through email and become good friends. Since I last saw him he has become a successful actor and is most recently recognised for playing ‘bad guy’ Gus in the Aussie soap Neighbors. He can also be seen in the great new Aussie film Kokoda playing the Lieutenant. The red carpet opening for the film was a day after I left Australia. I was most upset I didn’t get to see the movie with him. I was very proud for him.

Ben and me.

Between Simon and Ben I had it pretty cozy. Ben and I spent a lot of time eating good food, sipping beer and putting the world to rights. We did this on a regular basis while gazing over the spectacular view of a harbour. He has the most beautiful apartment not far from Bondi beach in a 1920s Art Deco building. The cool thing about it apart from the beauty of the architecture was that it had its own private swimming ‘pool’ sectioned off in the harbour itself. We also had some great times going for walks along Bondi Beach and its adjoining bays. That’s what I love most about Sydney, a city with beaches. What more could a beach girl like me want! I also got to meet and hang with Ben’s beautiful new girlfriend an ex-model who since I left has now become his Fiancé – congratulations Ben!

Room with a view. Ben's back yard. The enclosed area is a swimming pool for residents and paying public!

Simon and I, like Ben and I, also ate some great food together, sipped beer and put the world to rights. One interesting meal was a curry made with Kangaroo meat! I felt most guilty eating one before I actually seen one. He also took me to an end of season sailing club dinner which between him, his father and their friend had won the season’s trophy. We also spent time hanging out his two other friends Gus and Murray who I had also met previously in Koh Tao. One of the best nights I had in Sydney was at Murray’s house where we had an impromptu dinner party with his flat mates that got out a little of control. They were absolutely great people and every time I listen to Ian Dury I will have fond memories.

Good food, good friends, good times. Simon, Ian, Celia, Murray and Julian.

Unfortunately it soon became obvious that I’d arrived in Sydney at a bad time for Simon. He had completed the sale on his house the day I arrived in the country and the new buyer wanted to move in within three weeks! To give him space I moved in with Guy. I spent most of my time there working out the rest of my schedule and arranging meetings with various record companies to see if sponsorship was an option. I liked this city and wanted to see if there was the possibilty of staying.

Guy and Simon.

I also needed to get a plan together for the little time I had here. It was now mid March and my round-the-worlder ended on May 10th, giving me only 2 months to fit in the rest of Aus, New Zealand, Figi, the US and home. I knew it was impossible so Figi had to go and I limited my time in Aus to 7 weeks; Koh Tao had been far too much fun. The two things I decided I couldn’t leave Aus without doing was seeing Uluru a.k.a. Ayres Rock and diving the barrier reef, so that was the plan.

In a nights research I booked a flight to Alice Springs a nine day Adventure Tours package that split into a three day tour of ‘The Rock’ and other geographical sites, another three day tour up to Darwin, and a final three day tour around Kakadu Nation Park in Darwin. I then organised a flight to Cairns where I was going on a live-a-board to dive the Great Barrier Reef, then a flight back to Sydney in time for the meetings I’d organized and my final few days with Simon, Ben and Guy. Three hours of research and booking set me back a 1/6th of what It had taken me nine months to spend. It was a sharp pain in the bank account but one I had to make.

A few days later I set off, right up the middle of this huge country into the heart of the outback! Unfortunately now I was out of the comfort zone of Ben and Guy's and I had to stay in hostels. Bleugh! A requirement I’d managed to avoid throughout my whole trip up until now. I’m far too sophisticated for those things don’t you know?!

The tour left the next day so for my only afternoon in Alice Springs I occupied myself by a trip to a Kangaroo sanctuary for my first encounter with real life Kangaroos. It was most exciting as wildlife was my main attraction to this country and kangaroos alongside Koalas were top of my list.

Me and 4 month old orphan Oscar in his Surrogate pouch.

Ned Kelly.

I spent the rest of the day wondering around town looking for a fly net; a very unattractive piece of head ware to keep the flies off your face. Before I left the UK I’d been warned by my Grandma who used to live here about the fly problem, but you really have to see it to believe it. The flies were relentless and I was told it was only going to get worse when we hit the outback! A fly net was as essential as water out there.

Alice town center was also the first place I encountered Aboriginal people. Up until now their presence had been practically invisible, something I found quite dissapointing. I’d heard many opinionated stories about Aboriginal stereo-types in the past and was glad to be finally in Aboriginal territory to see the story for myself. It was very strange to see, even here there appeared to very little integration between whites and blacks and I wanted to know why.

My trip set off the next day at 6am. For the next nine days there would be a lot of driving, a lot of walking, a lot of great people to meet and a lot of fun to be had. There was a great range of people on the trips. It wasn’t all 18 year old backpackers that were out to get pissed and shag which I was initially afraid of (God haven’t I grown up!) However there were also some seriously odd people that had unfortunately signed up for the whole nine days like me that were difficult to get away from. The accommodation was camping under the stars or in permanent camp grounds which the company had set up at various locations and the eating arrangements were to all chip in with the cooking and cleaning. My kind of adventure.

Here are some of the highlights of the first three days:

Kings Canyon.

Sunrise over the campsite

Mount Connor

The Olgas

Me at The Olgas

And of course Ayres Rock.

We watched the sun rise and set over the rock, but unfortunatley the battery ran out in my camera and this is the only crap photo I got. :( A lovely couple I met said they would send me the photos they took during the trek but I lost their email address. Boo!

It was then back to the Hostel from Hell for a group tour drink and then an early night for the next trip up to Darwin. Four glasses of wine and in bed before midnight and I still work up the next morning with a hangover. I also had very much overslept! Thankfully I was already packed so I rushed down to the lobby to find that of course I was the last on the bus and they were just about to leave. Our new guide Scott delighted in making me the butt of all jokes for the next three days.

This trip was mostly about the drive up to Darwin but we did some cool things and I met one particularly cool person who was about to figure big in the rest of my trip:

Jen (and me of course)

The next three days went like this:

Crossing the tropic of Capricorn....

The Devils Marbles.

Could you imagine this happening in England? That’s roughly London to Newcastle! You’d need a hell of a lot of petrol cans to get you there!

A quick stop at a reptile house in a petrol station?! Only in Australia (Rosie don't look!)....

A couple of beers with tour guide Scott and Jen at Daly Waters, the Northern Territory’s oldest pub....

Jet boating up the Catherine Gorge...

Hypnotizing the bull from Crocodile Dundee....

It is actually the real bull from the film, stuffed of course. Bizarre excuse for a tourist attraction eh?!

Along with a few other stops along the way, this brought us to our destination in Darwin for more hostel action and another End Of Tour drink up. This one was far more eventful than the last with bizarre party games and a lot more booze. This time I really earned my hangover.

Party game only to be attempted by the flexible. That ruled me out. I’ll stick to Poker.

The next three days of the tour were by 4WD. Cool!

Jen and I still pissed from the previous night’s festivities. I wasn’t this happy a few hours later. Bleugh.

One of many huge termite mounds in the area. This is around 80 years old.

Barramundi Gorge. One of many waterfalls I got the chance to swim during this trip.

Me and a scary jumping crock. Apparently there are a couple of thousand of them in this stretch of water.

I’m sure this one was staring at me!

Welcome to Kakadu National Park! It’s land mass is equivalent to WALES!

Here we learnt loads of Aboriginal history from our guide Al and visited the Anguluwur art site which is rich in aboriginal vivid rock art which dates back over 20,000 years. We also swam a few of the waterfalls in the park and Jen and I even managed to escape from the rest of the group for a spot of skinning dipping. (I wish I’d known that when Sam and I were in Malaysia, it would have saved us our Hike From Hell!)

Jen and I get back to nature with a water monitor.

However, having said that, we found out after our swim that our skinny dipping pool had a crocodile warning.

Maybe I should have just stuck to my Malaysian experience however bad!

Aswell as the crocks we saw some other pretty awesome wildlife including:

Lizards and water monitors...

Emus

Bush Wallabies.

Fying Foxes.

Dingos

And very big creepy crawlies!

One sight I couldn’t get over was that of fancy birds such as parrots, cockatoos, and budgerigars as well as birds of prey flying as free as magpies and sparrows. It was amazing.

After a rather tame End of Tour drink I set off for an early night. I had a 5am wake up call for my flight to Cairns and my Great Barrier Reef diving trip. Besides, I never wanted to feel that bad again.

I’d like to say the diving trip was the best I’ve ever done but unfortunately it wasn’t. It was cyclone season and one had just been through the area and another was happening south along the eastern coast when the trip started. It made for a rough sunless trip with pretty crap visibility. There was a lot of sea sickness among the passengers (surprisingly sparing me for a change) and some of the diving was pretty intense. However I did get to hang with an enormous Potato Cod and watch a shark feed which was pretty cool.

Me and a Potato Cod. The average adult is 1.5 meters long and weighs about 90 kilos.

My fellow passengers were a good bunch! My buddy was this Japanese dude who spoke no English, so pre-dive communication was interesting. There were also these two cool Israeli guys on board, one of which went to the same junior school as me in London, Wessex Gardens. SMALL WORLD! He was 13 years younger than me though. Shame, as he was very cute. I wouldn’t have minded him pulling my pigtails.

On board Taka and the diving crew.

The trip was ended of course with a post trip group drink which got a tad messy but fun.

Me and T-Bear from Las Vegas.

Then it was back to Sydney for those meetings and my final days with my chums before the next leg of my adventure. However, as I had a lot of time to reflect on this trip I came to the conclusion that I’d rather poke my eyes out with a sharp stick than get back into the music industry. It took me 5 minutes to cancel all the meetings it had taken me weeks to set up. I then packed my bags again and instead headed off to see my new friend Jen in her home, the Blue Mountains to get my last fix of hiking and wildlife spotting. I still hadn’t seen any wild kangaroos and I was determined not to leave Aus without it!

The Blue Mountains

Me at Evan's Lookout.

The Three Sisters with Jen.

A Brown snake. One of the world's deadliest snakes. Jen and I almost tripped over it on our hike.

WILD KANAGAROOS!

PARROTS!

I was running out of time and I still hadn’t had an encounter with a Koala, so it was off to Taronga Zoo in Sydney for me.



Here there were many weird and wonderful animals, but my two favorite experiences where seeing this common Kookaburra up close in the sun bear enclosure…


…and finding this nocturnal Possum awake during daylight hours in the women’s toilet. He entertained me for at least an hour letting me feed him slices of apple. Who cares about snow leopards when I had this!

So now it was April and my time was up. Of all the countries I’d been to on this trip this was the most painful to leave. For the first time in nine months I had a good cry when my plane left the tarmac.

Next stop was New Zealand to see my good friend Jen who I'd met in Wales whilst at college. I knew it would be all smiles again in a few hours.

After 7 months of bumming around it was time to get serious and find this new life I’d come out to find. Dave, a friend I’d met when I first came to Bangkok, set me up in an 'apartment' (one room bed-sit) in a chaotic Thai neighbourhood. It was a nice place, a bit smelly though as the eccentric landlady had 12 yappy type dogs and umpteen caged birds. Coming home on an afternoon was a very noisy but welcoming affair.

My mad landlady and her twelve very yappy dogs.

Dave had also set me up with a job at his school and I started in two days. After some frantic shopping searching for normal sized sensible clothes/shoes among the tiny Thai sizes, I finally kited myself out and was ready for the impending doom of the teaching world.

Dave demonstrating his love for our work on the ferry we daily took to school.

My teaching experience is something I won’t forget in a hurry. I was absolutely terrified on my first day, so much so I became sick with stress. I’d been told that my first lesson had been planned for me and to relax, but what they gave me was a single sheet of material that was embarrassingly low for the level of my first class. To make matters worse I was expected to teach the same lesson to all of my 5 classes for the same day! Talk about thinking on feet, deep ends and shit creeks!

Mahaprutaram School for girls, Bangkok, Thailand

One of my 15 classes. Look, they acutally listened to me and are working!

In a nutshell, I was teaching 50 kids to a class, 15 classes a week (thankfully I was only part time) but only seeing each class once a week. If you do your maths that’s 750 kids a week, an impossible task to monitor each child’s individual learning needs. There was no curriculum, or structure and very little material with which to plan your lessons. It was hell. I was the only person with a teaching qualification, and shortly realised that all the teachers were being employed because they were white and native English speakers, not on the strength of their teaching ability. A fact I found very disappointing, as I wanted my efforts to be rewarded in some way, else what was the point? Determined not to fail and do a good job I soldiered on. With thanks to Harry Potter's Hogwarts houses and a huge bag of sweets I soon learnt how to turn my lesson into competitions and things turned out much better for me. I was also soon offered some private lessons on a Saturday with some primary school aged children and soon realised I must be doing something right.

My private students that I taught at the weekend. The little girl on the right was my fav. She was so enthusiastic and so eager to please.

Being in Bangkok was great when I wasn’t working. As I was so central I had many friends drop in on me that I had met travelling previously. Rachel returned the day I started teaching, which was a bit stressful but it was great to have her back in Thailand. Samih and Jo dropped by whom I'd met in Phi Phi. Barry and Michael dropped by on the way to and from Koh Tao, and Andrew my Gooner friend from India came to stay for a while. Andrew and I had a fantastic Christmas together where we found an Irish pub in the heart of ex-pat Bangkok and ate the hugest Christmas dinner I’ve ever seen. Four courses comprising of duck pate and toast, a ginormas Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, Christmas pud and brandy cream, and finally mince pies and coffee. The day was topped off by a visit to the flicks to see King Kong. Beats a re-run on the Beeb of Jurassic Park any day.

Christmas Eve with Andrew, his chum and Samih.

Christmas dinner in Bangkok.

For the New Year I decided to head back to Koh Tao to see in 2006 with my much missed chums. Andrew came with as he was planning on doing his diving instructor course so it all worked out beautifully. I had the best New Year since Rosie’s and my Millennium New York trip and was a fitting way to end one of the best years of my life. We welcomed in 2006 at Choppers dancing to the Roaring Buoys and we watched the sun rise at Pure Lounge on the beach. This is also where I waved goodbye to my 6th pair of flip-flops as Al decided to throw them in the sea along with a host of other people's shoes. I finally conceded that Koh Tao and shoes do not mix and resigned myself by not buying another pair and stealing someone else's instead, which is what everyone else does.

An early start with Nick, Wib, Ian, Jim, little Ben and Sam. New Years eve at Choppers.

A drunk Andrew and me just after 2006 was welcomed in.

Paar, Rachel and Sam, 2006.

During my four days off work back in paradise, I had a lot of time to do a lot of thinking and came to the conclusion that Bangkok was not where I wanted to be. I only had seven more weeks of the term but I didn’t want to be spending any more of my year out as stressed as I was. I now knew I was a good teacher and it was something that I could come back to, but for now it wasn’t for me. I needed to be back with my friends in Koh Tao. So I went back to Bangkok, quit the job, and typically found my last week stress free because I knew I was leaving, and was even quite sad when I eventually did.

As I was due to be in Aus on the 1st of March the plan was to spend 3 weeks in Koh Tao and then 3 weeks heading overland through southern Thailand and Malaysia into Singapore where I was due to fly out from. This time in Koh Tao I spent my time helping out at a friends dive shop, Davey Jones’ Locker and diving with Siam where we went on a overnight trip to Ang Tong Marine Park, the inspiration behind the book 'The Beach'....

Ang Tong Marine Park.

Ialso went to Linn my Burmese friend's wedding...

The happy (?) couple with friends.

Took part in a failed attempt to break the world record for 'the most amount of people diving simultaneously'...

750+ divers line up to spell 'Koh Tao UWWF 2006. We were the F.

Sam sporting the head dress we found while doing the attempt and the remains of the umbrella we took down with us.

Partied my socks off at the Koh Tao underwater festival...

and spent a lot of time hanging in with Rachel, Jasper and new friends Jepper and Callum...

Eric...

and Dave...


However what I found myself doing mostly was staying in the Bungalow with Sam and either watching back to back episodes of LOST (damn that programme and damn that Sawyer! Why does he have to be so hot!) or hanging in the hammock and laughing at drunk people tripping over the seemingly invisible step on the road outside our porch.

Me in my happiest place in the world. A hammock looking out on Sairee beach, Koh Tao.

Those 3 weeks went far too quickly and soon it was time to get my travelling head and backpack on again. Sam had decided to come with me which was cool, but in true Hotel Koh Taofornia style we had a couple of false starts. The first was due to be me being distracted by a George Clooney look alike and the second was due to Sam getting food poisoning, but we finally made it off Koh Tao and the island cried when we left, (it pissed down).

Lookie-Likie no. 6 - George Clooney
(top right hand. Obviously not top left nor bottom!)

Our first stop was a little island in the most southerly part of Thailand called Koh Taratou. Apparently the most idilic of the Thai islands according to Dave in Bangkok, but a complete disaster area when it came to Sam and I. The most memorable moment of probably my whole year happened on this island. The farce of our four hour hike that turned into a twelve hour nightmare. It’s a pretty long story but worth a read. However if you can’t be bothered scroll down to the picture of Koh Lipe (the beautiful beach and the boats)

Me content and serene before the horror sets in from the 10 hour treck from hell.

Anyway, for those of you still with me Dave had said how no one visits this national park and how you can do all these amazing walks to natural lakes with waterfalls and skinny dip to your hearts desire without being disturbed. Something I've always wanted to do for as long as I can remember. So at 10 am Sam and I took off, all set for an 8 mile walk to this waterfall. Two hours and three 1.5 litre bottles of water later we finally came off the shadeless road and on to the trail where we were told by the only person we'd seen on our walk that it should take us only another 30 mins to the waterfall. Two and a half hours later after grappling mountain sized rocks, crossing and re-crossing the river, and hanging precariously from various flora and fauna we finally made it and I got my well earned skinny dip.

Look mum! No bikini!

That's not so bad I hear you cry, but the real saga begins on the way back. By this time it is now 3.30pm and we realised that we should start making a move if we were to make it back to camp before nightfall. Luckily the trip back to the main road was much quicker now we had become accomplished rock climbers so we did it in half the time. However just before we came to the end of the trail it started to rain like I've never seen it rain, and rain makes rocks realllly slippy. Luckily we escaped without much damage, but we were soaked to the skin, so rather than walk the 8 miles back to camp in the rain we decided to take a detour and head to the nearest restaurant (hut) for shelter.

The idea was to get them to radio the other side of the island where our camp was for a pick up (there are no telephones on the island). We did that and were assured that our request had been met. Two hours later we realised something was up and no one was coming. Despite continually being told that someone would be there soon it turned out that the radio signal was down because of the storm and they hadn't spoken to anyone. By now it was pitch black, we were both stripped down to our bikinis wearing borrowed jumpers and soaking wet trainers. The 'restaurant' owners were trying to convince us to stay in their accommodation, but we had a boat to catch the following morning and had already paid for our tents so we weren't playing ball. So at 8 p.m. we set off into the unknown for our 8 mile walk back to the camp.

A very wet and cold me, still fairly happy as unbenowing there was no car coming to pick us up.

Joke no. 1 was that a ranger who had been sitting with us all that time unbeknown to us said he would accompany us back. 'Safe' I thought, 'what a bit of luck', but no, it turned out that because WE had a torch we were leading HIM back. Great ranger! I was cold, tired and miserable. It was an up hill struggle all the way, and very very dark. I was on a mission to get home so I was walking so fast that I didn't notice the very large branch in the middle of the road until I almost stepped on it. When I looked again at the thing I faltered upon I realised that it was no branch but a huge PYTHON lying across the road with a girth as thick as my thigh. Now snakes don't normally bother me, but this mother was HUGE and the sight of it made me scream like a girlie. I went scuttling backwards to the ranger for safety thinking 'He'll know what to do', but (joke no. 2) he walked up to it and screamed something in Thai even more girlie than me. Nice one! After a few minutes when he finally composed himself he finally got the courage together to throw stones at it. 'Good move’ I thought, ‘ we're dead!', but luckily after a few crap shots the monster finally had enough of the abuse and slithered off into the woods. I swear it took 15 minutes before we couldn't hear it anymore. It was one big mean mother! I was much more cautious the rest of the walk home which we finally made by 10 p.m., 12 hours after we set off.

Koh Lipe.

The next day we packed our bags hurriedly and set off to Koh Lipe to check out the island that many of our friends in Thailand were keen to set up another dive shop on. We ended up having to camp again as it turned out to be another Thai holiday and all the accommodation was booked. It wouldn't have been a problem but we did get a bit pissed off with the various random drunken Thais that stumbled into our tent throughout the night. Here we also dived the famous 8 mile dive site where we saw 2 Leopard sharks mating, which was a truly amazing experience. However our crazy Italian dive leader f**ked it all up for us by going over and stroking them mid shag. Now I don't know about you, I don't mind a bit of voyeurism, but trying to instigate a cross species threesome is a bit much! Needless to say the Leopard sharks where having none of it and buggered off. Sam and I were not pleased. That night, however the dive leader redeemed himself by cooking homemade Pizzas in a self-made wood fire for everyone at the dive shop. I do love those Italians. Almost as good as Pappagone's but not quite ;)

Our pizza making dive leader and their very cool home made wood oven.

It was now time to leave Thailand and head to Malaysia. It was a sad time for me as I'd been in this country for 7 months now, but a speed boat journey later and we found ourselves in Langkawi an Island on the north west tip of Malaysia.

Here we had a trip on one of the highest cable cars I've ever been on.

Next, a road trip over Asia’s longest (and unfortnatley very unexciting) bridge we found ourselves in George Town where we Visited Asia’s biggest Buddhist temple....


After a couple of days here we went Jungle trekking in the Cameron Highlands (much to Sam’s disgust at making her hike again) to see the world’s largest Flower, Rafflesia, in bloom which can grow to be 3 feet across and weigh up to 15 pounds. It takes a year for it to bloom and is reported to smell of rotting meat, but luckily it didn’t to us....


Here we also went to visit a tea plantation and drunk the best tea I’ve had since Indian Chai and also munched a few scones. All very civilised....

Tea plantations at the Cameron Highlands, Malaysia.

Afternoon tea and Scones with Sam.

And met/hung out with these two nutters....

Lee and Patrick.

In Kuala Lumpar we met up with some cool people we’d met previously in Langkawi and Cameron Highlands and went see the world’s tallest freestanding towers, the Petronas Towers and the world’s 3rd tallest communications tower.

Petronas tower viewed from the communications tower.

Sam, Laura and me in the viewing level of the Petronas tower

The telecomunications tower, Kuala Lumpar, Malaysia.

All too quickly we left Malaysia and moved on to Singapore. Three days here wasn’t enough either but we certainly made the most of what time we had.

Singapore.

I really loved this city. I loved its blend of east meets west and its super cleanness was a joy after 6 months in Thailand, however it did seem a bit obsessive that chewing gum is banned here! It was also great to be back somewhere with a super clean and efficient transport system and in a city with an obsession with shopping. I really have never seen so many malls in my life! Beats America hands down!

Singapore Slings at Raffles hotel.

Here we drank Singapore Slings at it’s home of invention, the famous Raffles hotel. A great night out but a tad on the expensive side at $20 a pop, especially when you have 3 like we did (oops!). Watched a lazer light show at world’s biggest fountain, Went on a really cool night Safari at the Singapore zoo, and had an encounter with a pink dolphin at Sentosa Island....

Singapore's night Safari. I know, it's not a real elephant!

Me making an idiot of myself in front of an audience at Sentosa Islands' pink dophin show. I'll do anything to have encounter with rare marine life!

Finally it was time to pack Sam off back to chilly old England (a very sad affair) and I had to get my excitement in check for the most anticipated leg of my trip, Australia.

I managed to see more of that huge country in 6 weeks than most of my Australian friends had in their entire lives. It was a pretty full on experience! But now my dear friends, my year is sadly coming to an end. I’m now in New Zealand and as I only have 6 weeks left till my booked flight home I intend on bringing you my Australian adventure quicker than this last instalment, so look for me in your inbox again over the next couple of weeks…

See ya later mate!

xxxx

Kho Tao.

20th largest Island in Thailand.

Population: 70% British. General topography of island: 60% dive centers, 25% western style restaurants, bars and clubs and 15% clothes shops which all have exactly the same stock.

Kho Tao a.k.a. Hotel California. A place I planned to spend 6 weeks and stayed 4 months.

Here is my story in pictures and a few words... well.... maybe not so few.

The new Finsbury Park.

Shark Bay, Kho Tao

The new 12a Moray Road, N4

Me and our adopted dog Sausage.

My new roomies

Yes that is Rachel from San Francisco on the right if you were wondering, and our new pal Katie. More about them later.

The new Fatty (who passed away whilst I've been here...sniff sniff)

Satan, the best fed cat in Thailand. Addicted to crisps and aptly named as he more often than not looks like this....

The New Sony pictures / Force 5

Siam Scuba Diving Centre

The new bosses

Left to right : Ben, Gary and Dave

A selection of my new work colleagues

Turtle, White Rock.

Clown Fish (Nemo)

Blue spotted Ray, White Rock

Anemone, Twins

Crown of thorns, Japanese Gardens.

Porcupine Puffer fish and Remora, Red Rock

Moorish Idol, a.k.a Gill (finding Nemo), South West

Some form of sea cucumber, don't which though, sorry.

Whale Shark, Torpedo Wreck.

Before you ask, none of these photos are down loaded. They are all from my dives here on Kho Tao...more about the whale shark later.

The new Prince, Stoke Newington

My lovely Lin, manager of the Lotus Beach Bar. From Bristol....according to him(!?!)

The view from the new pub garden

Sunset at Lotus, Sairee beach.

The new Pappagone's

Fab Pizza (for Thailand) but the service will never be able to match up to home. Marco you are missed.

So it all started with these two..... Clare and Amy. A.K.A Team Fuckwit. Named for their ability to cause chaos wherever they went. Dive masters in training that were to be my role models while they completed their course. Their drinking ability however put even my headiest days to shame, which is saying something, and their last few days turned in to a month. Needless to say the wagon that I had recently fallen off was just about to crash and burn.

Me, Clare and Amy on their snorkel test - The infamous rite of passage that DMTs are expected to do when they complete their training.
This consists of the graduate drinking copious amounts of alcohol fed to them through a snorkel whilst wearing a mask, therefore not enabling them to breathe. They are then obliged to complete some form of obstacle course created by the dive school in front of an audience.
My idea of hell and something I managed to avoid by not turning up to mine. Sorry Nick and Wib!!!!

My whole diving experience didn't exactly start out as smoothly as hoped. On my first dive, whilst trying to conduct an air of skill and professionalism, I managed to misjudge the long tail boat and slip. Only saved from the water by grabbing the mooring line, I found myself dangling from said line, feet on boat arse inches above water, everyone scrambling around trying to hoist me back on the boat. Not exactly my finest moment. I was automatically accepted as an honorary member of Team Fuckwit. The next few days didn't get any better. I had conveniently forgotten that I suffered from an acute case of sea sickness, which isn't fun when you are on a boat everyday and have specific duties to attend to. It tended to be worse in the morning when we did the deeper and further away dive sites and funnily enough normally followed a night where I had stupidly tried to keep up with Team Fuckwit. This lead to a distinct pattern of absence for morning dives and my membership of Team Fuckwit revoked to be reassigned to my own little club, Team Lightweight. Yes my friends, me, a lightweight!!! Luckily my solitary membership didn't last long and two other DMTs joined Siam, both of which were as crap as me in the partying department.

Jonas :

and Raoul:

a.k.a. - Lookie-Likie No. 2 - Jean Reno (Big Blue/Leon)

Raoul, was a fantastic guy with incredibly dry wit. My favorite quote from him being that the man always has the last word…… “yes darling”. Unfortunately due to marital pressure he only hung around for a month. He had obviously said his last word.

Jonas however moved in next door to me and we became best buddies.

Another addition to the family was Satan. Given to me by this man...

Al, boyfriend of Amy, and instigator of the chaos that Team Fuckwit conducted so well. Al is also renowned for being a Master Jedi in lighter thievery and also likes to adopt animals, give them weird complexes/names, and then spot a sucker like me to palm the poor animal off on. At the time I was given Satan I was at my lowest ebb. I'd just returned from a Visa run from hell which had not only just taken 12 hours longer than it should have, but during the trip I received the heartbreaking news that Fatty, my much loved cat at home, had become really ill and had to be put down. Satan was just the comfort I needed and has turned out to be the funniest cat I've ever had. Much loved by the whole neighborhood for his weird ways and crisp addiction, both needless to say created by Al.

Rachel my pal from San Francisco arrived at the end of August from Korea, after teaching English there for a month. She planned to stay a couple of weeks but in true Kho Tao/hotel California style ended up staying 6 weeks.

Then we had another cute boy move in next door...

Michael

Then Jonas' girlfriend Nina turned up...

Jonas and Nina. a.k.a Planet Denmark. Creators of the Kho Tao Top Trumps game where my Suntan factor was 97% only beaten by Satan, and Nina's special feature was 'poker & backgammon hustling bitch'. Be warned she may look all sweetness and light but she is one competitive mother!

And finally Katie, who Rachel had met in Korea moved in with us and completed our little Kho Tao community.

All we needed was a dog...

Meet Sausage, cutest dog on Kho Tao and sparring partner of Satan. Looked after by all of us when his owner mysteriously disappeared for a while.

So this season I've been mostly....

...Going to Jamahkiri day Spa, where a full days complete treatment cost under 30 quid....

...Eating fantastic cheap Thai food at Mama's Restaurant, where this incredibly cute, but normally stroppy madam, demanded to be made up on a regular basis...

...Watching Arsenal get their arses kicked at Choppers bar with my favorite Bar Manager, Hammers Boy Dave a.k.a. Massive and his lovely Swedish Girlfriend Terese...

That's Taan btw the way with Dave not Terese. I'm sure you'd agree she doesn't look very Swedish.

…Being bitten alive by mosquitoes, all of which became infected in the true Kho Tao way, and spending a week in hospital because I'd contracted Dengue fever….

...Going to various fancy dress beach parties at the Lotus bar....

That's not me by the way in case you were wondering.

...Drinking Cocktails At Papa's Tapas..

...Going to Indie Disco and 80's night at the Dragon Bar...

Me, Rachel, Victoria and some random guy at Indie Rock night.

OC Lara & Tom, Ben and some other random guy at Indie Rock night .

...Having Poker/Backgammon tournaments on our front porch.....

Always won by Planet Denmark, Or Tom and Lara. Below is Nina sporting our favorite dealer hat found in Malaysia complete with flip down shades incorporated in the visor.

And of course a lot of this:

My whole diving experience got much better when I found my sea legs. Myself and instructor Dave became the onboard entertainment, striking up an impromptu song whenever possible. Our favorite was the Dennis Waterman Classic ‘I Could Be So Good For You’ whenever there were any Israeli’s on board (Israeli / Arthur Daley for those who don’t know your cockney rhyming slang).

On a more serious note, I now have over 150 dives under my belt and am a deep, wreck and Nitrox specialty diver as well as now being a qualified Dive Master. I’ve had the opportunity to meet some great new people and witness them experience the under water world for the first time, which is always a treat.

My favourite first timers were these guys. My first graduate Open Water students:

(Dave) Tom and Will a.k.a George and Mildred because all they did was bicker like a married couple.

I’ve also had the opportunity to assist a group of forty 12 – 14 year olds from an international school in Hong Kong learn to dive. It was complete chaos, but great fun.

The highlight of my Kho Tao diving though was my whale shark experience when wreck diving with Davey Jones’ Locker. I dived two wrecks with them, the Unicorn and the Torpedo, both of which were decompression dives as the wrecks were over 50 meters deep. The dives themselves were fantastic experiences and a good insight into the world of technical diving, but the highlight came while decompressing. A six meter whale shark came out of nowhere and hung with us through the 30 minute deco period. It circled us so close that I had to move out of its way a couple of times. It is to this day the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

The whale shark with Tim, Michael and Gary on the deco line.

Whilst doing all this I met some pretty amazing people, alongside those already mentioned, that I hope to keep in touch with. Here's a selction of my top chums and hot boys.

Newbie DMT Sam. Long lost sister, who like is me is terrified of moths, hates clowns and is a Charmed obsessive.

Nick & Wib. Top diving chums and snorkel test bullies.

Murray, Guy, and the lovely Simon.

Lloyd and Steph (Magnum & Cleopatra in case you were wondering).

She’s Mia Farrow’s niece don’t you know!

Jesper, Papa’s Tapas bar manager. "He's so hot right now"


Ben & Adam, more newbie DMTs

Scott and Phillipa, top Geordie bods.

Leo.

and canine chum, Eddie the dog.

Then the rain came and the season came to an end.

Tor, mad barman at Lotus.

Everywhere started to shut down and it all got a bit depressing, so it was time to entrust Michael with Satan (as he was staying there indefinitely) and move on.

First I went to meet my friend Victoria on the western side of Thailand, Kho Phi Phi. It was the first time I’d had a chance to witness the effects of the Tsunami, and although much work had been done over the past year it was still very much evident. Here I did some of the best diving I’ve ever done, but unfortunately I have no photos of this trip, which is such a shame as the marine life vastly out weighs that of Kho Tao. You’ll just have to believe me that I dived with Mantarays and Leopard sharks on one of the most eventful day’s diving I’ve ever done. Eventful because of all the great diving yes, but add to that 10 cases of chronic sea sickness (not a pretty sight), 1 case of a severe reverse block (me, I’ve never experienced pain like it in my life) and 1 case of serious decompression illness, followed by the bumpiest speed boat ride to get the patient back to the island into a decompression chamber and you’ll get a better idea of the days events. Thankfully the patient wasn’t from our trip. We were helping out a live-a-board boat whose videographer had a diving profile that went off the chart and was very lucky to have survived. I believe that he had to have 15 sessions in the deco chamber and only escaped paralysis after around the 8th session.

I then moved on to Kho Lak to meet Jonas and Nina to investigate live-a-boards in the Similans. I’d already found out by this point that my friend Dave in Bangkok had found me a job teaching at his school and an apartment next door to him, but I was expected back on the 6th of December so time was pressing. Luckily we found an amazing company called Phuket divers who did us a professional diving rate because we were dive masters. They had a trip leaving the following day so we headed off on a 4 day trip for 14 dives around one of the top 10 dive spots in the world.

Here I saw a lot of firsts…

My first Octopus

My first Seahorse

My first Cuttlefish

My first Box fish

My first ghost pipe fish

Squid

Shrimp

Jonas and a lion fish

Sadly it was all over to quick and it was time to go back to Bangkok and get my sensible hat on. A lot’s happened since then, some great things and some bad things, but that’s another story for another time as I don’t think this computer can take anymore uploading!

However, first some more Lookie Likies....

Lookie Likies no. 3-5

Dive Master Owen (on the right) - Eddie Izzard.

Random diver no. 1 - Dustin Hoffman circa 'The Graduate"

And wait for it my Force 5 chums......

Random diver no. 2 - WOOLFIE!!!!

Belated Merry Xmas and a Happy 2006!!!!

Thailand. What a contrast!!!! After 3 months of slumming it in a land tense with hard bargaining and sexual repression I exploded into a land of pampering, decadence, and easy living and it felt like home. Impressed with myself that I had made it this far, conquered and had an interesting time doing so, the seductive bite of a bit of comfort left me mauled and made me realise that this was going to be oh so hard to let go. Twenty –somethings you can have your Kho San Road, I’m off to indulge in my 34 year old right to clean beds minus bugs, clean clothes washed in washing machines, warm showers with nice smellies and the occasional manicure and Thai massage! Thank God I have such good friends in interesting places at times like these. Sophie I’m a coming and you may not be able to get rid of me!

My first indulgence of decadence was before I’d even set foot in Thailand. It was July 14th, the day before my birthday and I found myself in Singapore airport in the duty free section with a credit card burning a whole in my backpack. Logic and better judgment, waning in the delight of being free from India, I found myself face to face with a pair of Gucci sunglasses and boy did they speak words of love to me. Budget Smudgit, it was my birthday after all and no one else was going to buy me a present! After 3 months of haggling down to the last 10 rupees for a variety of textiles/jewelry/food something just had to give and it felt good. My days of looking and smelling like a hippy where over It’s time to bring on the new Sam!

I love Bangkok. Despite being told that it’s such a dirty city I found it quite the opposite. I must admit that they have a serious traffic problem, much worse than London, but they have the most amazing public transport system which is so incredibly clean, reliable and cheap AND has AC so the traffic problem really shouldn’t be as bad as it is. Unfortunately the system doesn’t cover the city as well as it should yet but there is a great public boat that can take you further a field, and if you are lucky like me to have Thai speaking friends you quickly learn that as long as the Taxi drivers use their meters they are incredibly cheap. A half an hour journey across the city after 11 at night is the equivalent of around a pound. Something our piss-taking black cabbies could learn a thing or two about in jolly old London.

Me at Wat Pho in Bangkok.

The people here are amazing, everyone is so nice and smiley and willing to help you. The food is the best I’ve ever tasted and everything is so affordable. My friends Sophie and Mark live on the 14th floor of a lovely high rise in on Suhkhamvit, which is in the centre of town and has the most amazing views of the city. It has a communal pool, gym and sauna and is a 2 minute walk from the underground. It is the quality of life I left London for, aspire to have and believe I could afford if I decide to take a job here, which within the fullness of time is looking a distinct possibility. However, no point in bringing myself into the real world just yet, it was my birthday week, I’d just escaped the mayhem of India and there was some serious pampering needed.

It all started on my birthday where Sophie and Mark took me for one of the best meals I’ve ever had in one the most beautiful restaurants I’ve ever been too. Unfortunately of all the nights to forget your camera, tonight was it and is the first birthday that I can remember that I have no photographic evidence. Boo! However maybe it’s not such a bad thing as for a girl who hadn’t been drinking for the past 3 months they reintroduced me to it with a bang and it wasn’t a pretty sight. Parasite or no parasite still lodging inside me it was time for it to get out of the way and make some room for some merriment and much was had.

When we were more than sufficiently inebriated I had my first experience of a Bangkok girlie bar called Pedro’s which soon became one of mine and Sophie’s local haunts. The place is a scream and we fit in there a bit too well, much to the delight of the girls who work there who take much joy in getting us to join in with their soliciting of ‘innocent’ western males passing the bar. Should I be admitting to this? Oh well, most of you know me pretty well, I’m sure nothing shocks these days.

Sophie and the girls at Pedro's

The following week was in such a contrast to my previous experience I felt like I was in a dream most of the time. Yoga sessions in heated rooms of 28 degrees in flamboyant gyms (thought I was going to die), free daily aerobic sessions in the beautiful public parks. Manicure and pedicures for less than 3 pounds. Two hour Thai massages in beautifully scented rooms listening to ambient music for less than 5 pounds. Luxury cinema visits in armchair comfort for just over a pound - who needs a UGC ‘go to the cinema as much as you want card’ for a tenner a month and to hell with my Amazon DVD rental this is my idea of bliss! I’ve even joined Sophie for a free Thai lesson which was great fun. I didn’t come away being able to speak much Thai but I got the gist of the lesson which I was most impressed by! My other favorite memory of Bangkok is the Night market near Lumpini park which is a huge food court with awesome food and has the most mental all night entertainment. This compromised of full on cabaret style entertainment with all singing all dancing Thai girls giving what they got to the latest hot tunes or Linkin Park/ Nirvana covers from the local dodgy Thai rock band. It’s such a great place!

Entertainment at the Night Bizarre, sorry it's not such a great photo but they kept bloody dancing!

I even love the eccentricities of this nation. At 8am and 6pm in all public places the Kings anthem is played and everyone stops where they are and stands to attention, it is the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. Sophie, Mark and I were strolling through Lumpini Park on a Sunday evening when I witnessed it for the first time. It really was quite surreal. Everyone just ground to a halt and stood perfectly still like something out of a science fiction movie even those mid jog! You even have to stand before to attention before a film at the cinema. Could you imagine doing that at home for the Queen?

The only problem I have with this place so far is the sight of all the incredibly gorgeous YOUNG Thai women with incredibly fat ugly OLD western guys. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get my head around that. It does make me worry that if I did decide to stay here I would end up spending even more of my life on the shelf as it seems that if you are not Thai, no one is interested. However having said that I did have an incredibly fun night at a bar called Sin which involved an incredibly gorgeous Italian Rugby player called Fredrico and resulted in a case of stubble rash that reminded me of being a very naughty teenager, so I shouldn’t really complain. Unfortunately though of all the nights to forget my camera this was my second and I have no proof of my only conquest in a year, but believe me he was worth it.

My week of luxury was over far too quickly and soon it was time to get packed up again and reconvene my snail style backpack existence in order to hit the road. Sophie and Mark who are both teachers were now on their holidays and we were all heading off to Cambodia together to visit Angkor Wat, an ancient city of temple ruins spread over a 40 mile area dating back to the 8th Century. Somewhere I have wanted to experience since my traveling companions headed there when I visited Vietnam in ‘98 but due to work commitments I never got the chance as I had to return to the UK.

The journey itself was an experience I won’t forget in a hurry. Mark and I took the cheaper road option whereas Sophie flew as she had one more day of work to complete. However if I had know what hell was to follow I would have gladly put my hand in my pocket without a hint of a backpacker’s whinge. The first part of the journey on the Thai side of the border was all very agreeable, a comfy air-con coach where I even managed to catch up on a bit of sleep. However, once past the border there is only one long road from Poipet to Seim Reap which is unpaved and created by the devil itself. At first I thought that the unbelievably bad condition of the road was due to land mines but apparently that’s just how it is, has always been and will most probably always be. The road itself I believe is only 160 Km, but it took 8 hours to get to Siem Reap. Do the math - We were going VERY SLOW. Despite the speed there was much bouncing, head banging and falling off seats, which at first was funny and by the about the 3rd hour it became hysterical funny, but by the 6th hour we all just became plain hysterical. Words really can’t sum it up, you really have to experience it to believe it, but I don’t advise it. Fly if you have any sense.

On top of this, despite my newly acquired worldly-wiseness for sniffing out a scam following my months of Indian sincerity and hospitality, I got well and truly ripped off along with my other fellow travelers by a currency exchange scam at the border. Luckily for me it was only to the tune of around 20 quid but many others got well and truly stung. My recent lull into the world of comfort and trustworthiness was already feeling short lived and very far away.

I don’t know what I feel about Cambodia. The horror that this country has endured within my life time is still very evident and heartbreaking, but rather than get sucked in by it all I found it all a bit contrived at times. The children and the mine victims where impossible to ignore and I did what I could to help, including giving blood at the local children’s hospital, but I felt that there was too much evidence of tourist baiting. Something which made me feel sad given the country’s history. It felt like it was making a mockery out of itself and what with my Indian experience so close to hand it was something I didn’t have the patience for. I had already decided that I was not interested doing the Phnom Penh tourist trail, I wasn’t here to experience the hell that these people had been through. I’d done that previously in Vietnam and that had already left a deep enough scar. So the plan was a three day tour of Angkor Wat and then on to Laos as quickly as possible.

Cheeky kids in Cambodia.

The ancient city of ruins was all I’d hoped it to be though and more. Sophie, Mark and Sophie’s brother who joined us at Siem Reap all bought 3 day passes as with so much to see over such a large area it was something you had to give yourself time for. The bonus was that because we bought the tickets late the evening before we intended to make use of them, we were given an extra free evening and so were able to watch the sun set over Angkor Wat, the main temple itself which was pretty impressive.

Angkor Wat

Detail of Ankgor Wat

Me at Angkor Wat!

However despite Angkor Wat being the most well known of all the temples our next day’s visit to Bayon I found much more impressive with it’s 3,936 feet of superb bas-relief carvings of mysterious Buddha faces carved on it’s towers. It was such an amazing place and had such an air of mystery about it that for a short while I WAS Lara Croft and was lost in a world of wrestling with tigers, leaping effortlessly from stone wall to wall and abseiling across jungle courtyards. Then a second later in the real world I put my foot down awkwardly in typical buffoon Sam style, twisted my ankle and sat there crying like a baby while a little Cambodian monk woman came running out of some hidden hole and made a big fuss of me. God I felt like an idiot!

Bayon.

However despite my gracelessness my intuition turned out to be pretty accurate and I later found out that my favorite temple Ta Prohm was actually the inspiration for the Tomb Raider game and used as the location for the film. So not so lost in the land of the fairies as I thought! It was so impressive. Massive trees have been left to grow out of the stone work over the centuries and strangler figs in turn are sucking the life out of them. It’s such an impressive and extraordinary sight, a sort of bizarre cycle of destruction. The place is also full of the most magical butterflies and the air is filled with tropical sounds of rainforest frogs, just like in the game/film. One of the most memorable sounds of this journey so far has been the sound of the screech beetles call which began when the moment the sun began to set. It blew my brain away the first time I heard it. I really was truly somewhere very ancient and magical.

Ta Prohm

It was a fantastic three days. However the weather did turn a bit nasty which was a bit of a pain. Especially on the second day when we had decided to hire motorbikes and head out to a couple of temples that where a good 40 KM away and got well and truly stuck in a torrential rain storm. So much so we had to come off the road because we couldn’t actually see it. My favorite day however was the final day when I took a break from the rest of the group as I was missing my push bike and decided to cycle round the smaller circuit of temples on my own. It was still raining, but the freedom of being on a cycle and having all that nature around was absolutely exhilarating.

A very wet Mark Sophie and me!

I was now inspired and looking forward to my next move to Laos, however due to bad planning I found myself having to go to Phnom Penh after all which as I’ve already shared wasn’t part of the plan, but it was the only place to get a Laos Visa.. So with the accompaniment of my new friend, an incredibly gorgeous 21 year old Danish guy called Simon who I had met previously on the drive of death from Thailand to Cambodia we braved Cambodia’s capital.

The incredibly gorgeous Danish Simon.

We hung out for a couple of days and even shared a room (lucky me!), but he was a man in much demand by the ladies, and when I found that the Cambodian’s had the cheek to charge 60 dollars for a Loas Visa compared to the 1300 baht they charge in Thailand (around 18 quid), it was another reason for me to get pissed off with this place and so I decided to head back to Thailand.

The new plan was to go back to Bangkok, get my Laos Visa and enter Laos via the north of Thailand taking in the delights of Chang Mai etc. However in this crazy backpacking world which I’m starting to get grips with, plans are made to be broken and my ever growing need for the sea and the need to suck air from a pressurized tank was getting the better of me. So my plans changed again and I headed for the little diving island of Kho Tao instead to embark on my Dive Master course, which is where you find me now. I’ve been here quite a while now 2 months in fact, and a hell of a lot has happened. But that is a whole new and another very long chapter so you’ll just to have to wait another couple of weeks my dear chums until I find the time to upload some gorgeous photos to make you all very green with envy.

Love you all. Don’t miss me too much!

LOOKIE-LIKEY NO. 1

Farrell Williams - N*E*R*D

(Cambodian Tuk Tuk driver)

Expect quite a few more of these, I apologise in advance.

India. What a place!!!! The people have no concept of personal space here, and you would think by the stares that the men have never seen a woman before. On the road each man is for himself as nobody looks where they are going. Before each maneuver cars and pedestrians alike ensure their salvation by putting their faith in the God of car horns and go, (most probably one of the 330 million deities they worship here – I’m not exaggerating) blind spots apparently don’t exist in India. Cows are the only safe creatures as they appear to have right of way EVERYWHERE especially down incredibly tight alleyways, and as they all have very big horns you don’t want to mess with them. My favorite observation of this country has been that I’m apparently a walking rupee sign begging to be ripped off, to which I can say that so far many have done a splendid job. Having said all that though I can safely say this has been two of the best months of my life so far and I love this place!

My first few days in Delhi weren’t as bad I expected them to be. I had prepared myself for a massive culture shock but was pleasantly surprised to find that it was totally bearable as long as you were prepared to haggle for 10 minutes, walk away, and then be chased by the resigned wallah before you can do anything. I kept myself busy the first couple of days visiting as many sites as possible in the sweltering heat (40’ +) but was relieved when on my second day at the Red Fort I met a lovely couple from Bournemouth, Lou and Al, who turned out to be my good luck charm. They invited me to have dinner with them and a businessman that they’d met on their flight and we were taken to the Intercontinental Hotel. It was a fantastic dinner and Ansari, our host, even insisted on paying for it. Not a bad second night in India! They were also kind enough to let me tag along with them on a 14 day tour of Rajasthan, the area I had already planed to be my next move, as it worked out more economical both money and time wise for all of us if we hired a driver. It also meant that I didn’t have to brave the local transport, which I didn’t think I was ready for yet and gave me some company which I was already missing.

The Bahai Temple, Delhi. My favourite temple there

Humayan's Tomb, Delhi. The design was later refined to build the Taj Mahal

My first 'free' elephant experience!

The lovely Lou and Al.

Rajasthan is hot. Very hot. The type of heat that turns freezing bottled mineral water to bath water temperature in a matter of hours, something that we had to endure daily. I also now understand the concept of ‘off season’. We hardly saw any other western tourists in this desert state and were constantly stared at in disbelief by the locals and asked “why are you here in this heat? Are you mad”? It turned out to be a whistle stop tour which was all we could bear, and although an expensive option I was pleased to be doing it with our driver Manu who was a fantastic guy who believed everything we wanted to do was ‘his duty’ to fulfill However he did have the worst taste in western music and I was desperate to make his 'Best of Kylie' (SAW period only) and 'Love Songs' tape meet with a very nasty accident.

Despite the heat we had a fantastic time in Rajasthan and managed to cram eight cities into our 14 day tour. In a very big nutshell we visited a rat temple in Bikaner where they worship rats (very smelly), watched the sun set while bats swoop over head at the huge sandcastle fort of Jaisalmer, taken a camel safari and slept through a sandstorm in the aptly named Sam sand dunes, gazed at the spectacular view of the 'Blue City' of Jodhpur, watched monkeys play on the roof of our guest house at Ranakpur, visited the floating palace feature in Octopussy in Udaipur (which is no longer floating as there has been no rain for years - a very sorry sight), had awful Delhi Belly in Pushkar, rode an elephant and shopped till we dropped in Jaipur. During all this I also learnt that Lou was actually from Tenby in south Wales where I had spent a lot of time a few years back and was the best friend of one of my ex boyfriend’s sister. How mad is that!!!!

Me in Jaisalmer, land of the giant sandcastle!

My camel Disco and his owner.

Noisy neighbours in Ranakpur

My most standout moment of this period though will be my frustration and Jubilation of the FA cup final. I was in a remote area of Ranakpur where we had no TV or electricity for part of the evening and I was relying on updates from Rosie via text message. Typically the law of sod kicked in just when the penalties finished and my battery ran out just after receiving the message ‘Can I call you?’ WHAT DID THAT MEAN!!!!!!! I was tearing my hair out. I had no idea, no electricity, and no access to a phone, it was hell. I had to wait half a day for the result, until our arrival in Udaipur where by chance I managed to catch the second half, extra time and the penalties on a repeat in the comfort of my own room. The mosquitoes on the walls would have been very entertained by my rantings, profanities, and my howling of laughter at Scholes and his penalty miss. We didn’t deserve to win, but that made it even better. Come on you Reds! This was the first and only time I had a slight wish to be back at home. Home, where I would have joined the gathering masses in the celebrations outside Highbury.

Second elephant experience in Udaipur. Sorry, I like elephants!

The last city I visited with Lou and Al before we went our separate ways was Agra where we watched the sun set over the Taj Mahal, something I've dreamed off since I was a little girl and the reason I came to India. It was all I’d hoped it to be and more, even though the experience was still threatened by the remnants of Delhi Belly. It was very sad to say goodbye to the guys and although I put on a brave face I was very nervous at first to be on my own again, but the feeling soon passed and I emerged quite the confident traveler. Since then I've spent 3 days in the holy city of Varanasi and watched the sunset and rise over the river Ganges. I've also met and had my fortune told by a Sarah Jessica Parker's and Michael Jackson’s 'Guru' and following the result of the latter's recent court case I'm hoping that some of his good fortune will rub off on me. While in Varanasi I also visited Sarnarth where Buddha is said to have given his most important teaching and where the 3rd generation Bodhi tree is planted - the tree which Buddha sat under when he achieved enlightenment.

Me at the Taj.

Dawn on the Ganges.

Buddha statue, Sarnarth, underneath the Bodhi tree.

I then moved on to Khajuraho to see the famous Karma Sutra temples and was interviewed by a local TV station on the decline of western tourism during the summer months. After a brief shopping stop in Delhi I headed up north to escape the heat and meet my friend Becky in Srinigar, Kashmir. Here we stayed on a house boat for a week and went hill trekking in the mountains, where I surprised myself by discovering how much I actually liked walking, how uncomfortable my new boots where, and how cold India can be with no electricity. (Su - not a patch on Sapa, Vietnam!)

Detail of the Karma Sutra temples, Khajuraho, NOT FOR YOUNG EYES, I have a photo of worse, but I didn't want cause offence.

Becky, Dal Lake, Srinigar Kashmir.

The road to Aru, Kashmir.

The coldest night of my life!

Our local shop.

Al Fayed, eat your heart out!

I then spent two and a half weeks in McLeod Ganj, Dharamsala - home to the Dali Lama, where I was lucky enough to catch him while he gave a ten day teaching on a very complex form of meditation. It was all way out of mine and most of the westerners reach (though some of the more pretentious ones would beg to differ), and more for the monks who had traveled from all over the country to hear. Because of that I just dipped in and out of the teachings but was glad to have had the opportunity to be in the Dali Lama’s presence. He really is an amazing role model for contentment and peace.

McLeod Ganj was quite a culture shock to begin with, everywhere else I’d been in India previously was so alien, but this was so Western with a slice of Tibetan. Not Indian in the slightest, which I felt defeated the reason why I had come here. It is also full of dreadlocked hippies, which I loathe, smoking chillums and believing that they now understand cultural oppression because they listen to Bob Marley. However, I was quickly seduced by the range of food (I was already sick of the sight of vegetarian curry by this point), entertainment (4 cinemas to choose from all showing v. interesting Tibetan history films and hilariously badly subtitled pirate western Blockbusters – The Cheddar Council, instead of the Jedi Council caused quite a roar in the screening), and the company of some fantastic new friends. I've now taken a 7 day course in Tibetan massage - oh you lucky friends of mine, taught half of Israel’s youth who appear to have moved on mass here how to knit, been entranced by a 25 year old Swedish bearded Justin Timberlake lookalike called Gustav, and between him and my good Israeli friends Maya and Sela learnt more about world politics in half a month than I have in 33 years – much to my embarrassment and ignorance. I've also met a wonderful retired woman from New Mexico who introduced me to my first English student Gongphel, a fantastic Tibetan Buddhist monk whose laugh and smile are infectious.

The massage crew. From top left clockwise, Me, Alex, Caroline, Johanna, Chris and our teacher Dhondup.

My good chums Chris and his wife Da eun.

Gustav the Swede, and Mike from Oakland, CA.

Teahing the girls to knit. Maya - how's the scarf coming along?

Itay, Maya and the remnants of the amazing spinach and Mushroom sizzler. My favourite dish in Bagsu, alongside Hello to the Queen, and the infamous Bagsu cake. Yum!

Gongphel, my wonderful first student.

And then the rain came. Oh my god did it rain. It is unbelievable how much a country can change over a few days. I've never seen lightening storms like it and people started to leave the town in droves. As I’d already spent much longer in Mcleod Ganj than intended I tried to out run the rain by moving with my new pal Eddie to Manali with some of his friends. We set up a new home in Vashist, a beautiful mountain region, with the aim of squeezing in a trip back up north again to Leh or an exploration of the Pavarti or Spiti region before my onward trip to Thailand in 10 days but the weather had its own plans. Three days of constant torrential rain closed all the roads in the area and we were pretty much stuck. But it wasn’t that bad, I read some fab books, watched more great films - most badly subtitled, and my new friends became great friends – I found myself a fellow Gooner Andrew and talked football whenever possible.

Andrew. Fellow Gooner and good chum.

When the weather brightened our plans where scuppered again as something called Jarderia (?excuse spelling) decided to take up residence in my body, a not so friendly parasite causing me to become very weak and sleepy. Eddie’s back had been playing him up since leaving McLeod Ganj, and the tonsillitis that my new friend Cathy had became severe so we had to take a trip to the local hospital. It wasn’t as bad as we had feared as we all got seen by newly qualified volunteer western doctors, however poor Cathy got the worst of it as it turned out she had an abscess on her tonsils and had to have it drained by injection. Not good news as the poor cow is terrified of needles. To make matters worse she also had to have an IV inserted in her arm and go back each day for a strong dose of antibiotics injected directly into her blood stream. She was in bits. When half the hospital turned up to look at the westerner having a tonsils poked at with a needle I became extremely protective and scary, frightening half of the hospital staff into submission. Apparently it was very amusing to watch and softened the pain somewhat for Cathy. Mum – sound familiar? Like mother like daughter eh!

My chums in Vashist, starting from me going clockwise Andrew, Eddie, Cathy, Aileen, and Mark.

By this point my 10 days were up and Bangkok was calling. After a 16 hour sleepless bus trip back to Delhi which I bought half of and am now lugging around in an impossibly heavy rucksack and another sleepless night flying to Thailand that is where you find me now. It’s my birthday today and I couldn’t be happier. Besides the new tenant who hasn’t seemed to evacuate my body yet I’m feeling on top of the world, literally. I’m currently sitting in my friend Sophie’s gorgeous flat on the 14th floor of a huge modern tower block with the stunning Bangkok skyline all around me. I haven’t had much time to take in this town yet but from what I’ve seen so far I like it very much, vastly different from India and a welcome change from the mayhem. I’m also looking forward to being able to wear something with some shape and show off my much slimmer new body without being stared at like I’ve just walked out of a girly magazine called ‘Western Whores Weekly’.

I’m off now to the 7th floor where there is a pool, a waterfall and pond full of coy to do a spot of reading and work out my next move after Sophie, Mark (her boyfriend) and I go to Cambodia next weekend. It’s such a hard life, but it is my birthday so please endure me this decadence.

Love to you all.

Please check this site again soon as I will update as regularly as possible. Sorry it’s taken so long to get it off the ground.

xxxxx